Golf Ipsum

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Reading the green

Begin the back nine holes, Ostrich Win the Green Jacket Chip and run Run down the fairway shouting.

Score a birdie To distract your opponent Chip and run Reading the green, Roll around on the ground laughing, A controlled draw You deserve a mulligan. That's a gimme. And snap your club in half. Oops, your ball is in the bunker. Tearing up a scorecard You deserve a mulligan. Use your Lob Wedge Get your 5 wood Losing your ball in the rough, Long irons Use your Lob Wedge Waggle your hips and swing Score a par Aiming for the groundsman.

Act your age and not like a pro. You need more lessons! Good rhythm Open stance Brassie At the Clubhouse, Lose your putter, forced to go home. And good luck! At St. Andrews, Spoon Duck hook! Tearing up a scorecard.

Splash shot Get a new Sand Iron The 19th Hole. Swing quickly, Ben Hogan Pitching Wedge Dip your opponents grips in sticky paste, Phil Mickelson Cleek That's a floater. Get thrown off the course Dip your opponents grips in sticky paste, Carrying your clubs Walking over the putting green. Out of frustration Completely missed the ball, oops! Spoon Carrying your clubs Carrying your clubs Mind where the divot lands! To distract your opponent At the Clubhouse, Duck hook! Jigger Pull out the driver and.... Visit the golf range, Out of frustration Shouting Fore as loud as you can.

Start your backswing, take it slow. Tom Watson To distract your opponent While heckling your opponent, Your ball hits the Captain, Lose your putter, forced to go home. To buy a drink for Making a lot of noise Losing your ball in the rough, Phoenix At the Clubhouse, Shouting Fore as loud as you can. Pretend nothing just happened and smile. Fluffy lie.