Golf Ipsum

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Niblick

Phil Mickelson Oops, your ball is in the bunker. Phoenix While heckling your opponent, Condor Looking for a new angle of attack Your ball hits the Captain, Swear at the Captain and get banned. Short irons Plugged lie in the bunker Lose your putter, forced to go home. You deserve a mulligan. For getting banned from the course. You got the yips That's a big hook Get thrown off the course.

And your caddie gets cross. Use your Lob Wedge That's a big slice Weak grip Chip and run Steady footwork Begin the back nine holes, Condor To distract your opponent Open stance That's a big hook Score a bogey That's a big hook Pulled to the left To buy a drink for.

Act your age and not like a pro. Chip in Cheating on the next hole Start your backswing, take it slow. 3-iron comes out, A gentle fade Use your Lob Wedge Using your putter to plumb-bob, You need more lessons! Pretend nothing just happened and smile. Pulled to the left Mashie Swear at the Captain and get banned. Act your age and not like a pro. Get thrown off the course Score a double bogey Good break! Score an eagle Cleek Using your putter to plumb-bob, Brassie Short irons While drinking beer Ostrich.

Fried egg That's a floater. The 19th Hole. Dip your opponents grips in sticky paste, Pull out your 3-wood and.... Good rhythm Use your Lob Wedge Begin the front nine holes, Shouting Fore as loud as you can. Long irons Cheating on the next hole Begin the front nine holes.

Lose your putter, forced to go home. A controlled draw Score a double bogey Lose your putter, forced to go home. Splash shot To distract your opponent Shouting Fore as loud as you can. Dip your opponents grips in sticky paste, Lose your putter, forced to go home. You skied it! Waggle your hips and swing Your ball hits the Captain.