Golf Ipsum

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Scoring a golden ferret from the bunker

Phoenix For getting banned from the course. Tiger Woods Niblick Gary Player You skied it! Begin the back nine holes, Out of anger Mind where the divot lands! Fluffy lie Tiger Woods Steady footwork Open stance.

Lose your putter, forced to go home. A controlled draw Cheating on the next hole Steady footwork Weak grip Brassie Your ball hits the Captain, Phil Mickelson Shouting Fore as loud as you can. A gentle fade Tee off Score a bogey Carrying your clubs A gentle fade Pull out the driver and.... At Augusta National That's a floater. That's a big slice Dancing on the practise ground. Losing your ball in the rough, Score an eagle Pushed to the right Short irons Carrying your clubs At St. Andrews, Aiming for the groundsman Ostrich Phoenix Get a new Sand Iron.

That's a floater. Plugged lie in the bunker You skied it! Pitching Wedge Condor Look out a ball is coming straight for you! Run down the fairway shouting Oops, your ball is in the bunker. Pull out your 3-wood and.... Ben Hogan Looking for a new angle of attack Taking a practise swing, Steady footwork Use your Lob Wedge Cheating on the next hole Rub of the green Shouting Fore as loud as you can. That's a big hook.

And lose your mind, To distract your opponent Dip your opponents grips in sticky paste, And your caddie gets cross. At St. Andrews, Pushed to the right Struck by lightning 3-iron comes out, Get thrown off the course Scoring a golden ferret from the bunker, For packing in golf Short irons Pushed to the right Start your backswing, take it slow. Feeling happy now, Chip and run Score a bogey.

The 19th Hole. Rub of the green Brassie Spoon At Augusta National A scratch golfer, Long irons Pull out the driver and.... That's a big hook And good luck! Get a new Sand Iron Run down the fairway shouting Score a bogey Hole in One! Pitch and run Act your age and not like a pro. You deserve a mulligan. Phoenix Tee off That's a big slice Tearing up a scorecard.