Golf Ipsum

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Start your backswing, take it slow

Aiming for the groundsman Using your putter to plumb-bob, Brassie That's a big slice Scoring a golden ferret from the bunker, And snap your club in half. A gentle fade Tearing up a scorecard "Get in the hole!" Look out a ball is coming straight for you! That's a gimme. To distract your opponent Brassie That's a big hook Open clubface Out of frustration Get a new Sand Iron Phil Mickelson A scratch golfer, Better luck next time! Score an albatross Looking for a new angle of attack And swing. Roll around on the ground laughing, Mashie Good rhythm.

Plugged lie in the bunker And shank it. Pitch and run Tee off Act your age and not like a pro. For getting banned from the course. That's a gimme. Condor Top your tee shot, Pushed to the right That's a floater. Swear at the Captain and get banned. And your caddie gets cross. Score a double bogey Start your backswing, take it slow. Swing quickly, Arnold Palmer Ostrich.

Pushed to the right Win the Green Jacket Arnold Palmer Oops, your ball is in the bunker. Reading the green, Splash shot Begin the back nine holes, Out of anger Chip and run Use your Lob Wedge Get thrown off the course Ben Hogan Condor Completely missed the ball, oops!

The 19th Hole. Chip and run Tearing up a scorecard Visit the golf range, Using your putter to plumb-bob, A controlled draw Start your backswing, take it slow. Splash shot And lose your mind, Good break! Hole in One! Phoenix Score a double bogey 3-iron comes out, Pull out your 3-wood and.... Taking a practise swing, Time to buy some new clubs.

Struck by lightning Time to buy some new clubs Open clubface Take a mulligan, Good rhythm And shank it. That's a big slice And swing. Score an albatross You deserve a mulligan. Texas Wedge And lose your mind, Reading the green, Tiger Woods Spoon Completely missed the ball, oops! Pull out your 3-wood and....