Golf Ipsum

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Tee off

Get a new Sand Iron And snap your club in half. Using your putter to plumb-bob, And shank it. Get thrown off the course Score a bogey To distract your opponent Gary Player.

A scratch golfer, Tearing up a scorecard At the Clubhouse, Tee off Ostrich That's a big slice Waggle your hips and swing You need more lessons! A gentle fade Pitch and run At Augusta National Swing quickly, Cleek Score an eagle Score an albatross At Augusta National Fluffy lie Fluffy lie Begin the front nine holes, While drinking beer And getting annoyed Score a double bogey While heckling your opponent, "Get in the hole!" Short irons A scratch golfer, Open clubface Shouting Fore as loud as you can. "Get in the hole!".

Rub of the green Get a new Sand Iron The 19th Hole. Run down the fairway shouting Tee off Oops, your ball is in the bunker. Pulled to the left You skied it! At the Clubhouse, Using your putter to plumb-bob, Begin the front nine holes, Completely missed the ball, oops! And getting annoyed And lose your mind, And your caddie gets cross. Your ball hits the Captain, Weak grip Look out a ball is coming straight for you! Start your backswing, take it slow. A controlled draw.

And lose your mind, Get your 5 wood Pushed to the right Hole in One! A controlled draw Plugged lie in the bunker Jigger Ostrich Get your 5 wood Short irons Aiming for the groundsman Hit it as hard as you can.

And good luck! Making a lot of noise Hit it as hard as you can Pulled to the left Phoenix Use your Lob Wedge Pushed to the right Use your Lob Wedge You skied it! Carrying your clubs Start your backswing, take it slow. Lose your putter, forced to go home. Your ball hits the Captain, Open clubface Pretend nothing just happened and smile. Carrying your clubs That's a big hook Feeling happy now, Phoenix Pitch and run Duck hook! At Augusta National That's a big slice "Get in the hole!" Score a bogey.