Golf Ipsum

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Score a bogey

Dip your opponents grips in sticky paste, To distract your opponent That's a big slice Begin the front nine holes, Take a mulligan, Out of anger Struck by lightning Gary Player Hole in One! Waggle your hips and swing Short irons Dip your opponents grips in sticky paste, Phil Mickelson Hole in One! Open stance Looking for a new angle of attack Hole in One! That's a floater. That's a gimme.

Brassie Gary Player For packing in golf Take a mulligan, The 19th Hole. Walking over the putting green. Pulled to the left Carrying your clubs Short irons Using your putter to plumb-bob, Tearing up a scorecard Pitch and run Score a birdie Act your age and not like a pro. Your ball hits the Captain, Tearing up a scorecard Cheating on the next hole Struck by lightning A controlled draw Tom Watson Get your 5 wood Dancing on the practise ground. Lose your putter, forced to go home. Struck by lightning.

And swing. Reading the green, Arnold Palmer That's a big hook Dancing on the practise ground. Carrying your clubs Ostrich Roll around on the ground laughing, Pull out your 3-wood and.... Tom Watson Begin the back nine holes, Phil Mickelson At St. Andrews, Chip and run Swing quickly, Score a birdie Niblick Hit it as hard as you can Short irons Using your putter to plumb-bob.

Chip in A gentle fade Gary Player Pulled to the left While heckling your opponent, You got the yips Out of anger You deserve a mulligan. And snap your club in half. Chip and run Out of frustration.

Arnold Palmer Run down the fairway shouting Making a lot of noise Mashie Score a birdie "Get in the hole!" Pitching Wedge Win the Green Jacket.